Wedding Renewal

Just a quick update to let y'all know that the wedding went off without a hitch and it was a PERFECT night!!! I renewed my vows with my husband and finally after 10 yrs I feel like we've closed a chapter in our lives together. It was always like unfinished business not having my dress and ceremony and party. It was also nice to finally have family included in the happiest day of my life. I love my Bitter Little Man so much that it hurts and aches in my chest some times. I think a lot of people were surprised that after 10yrs I still teared up during my vows and I still cried when I walked down the aisle with him. I had a few friends laugh a little at me, but that's ok, they can laugh. I feel like it just goes to show we got something special!

Here's a couple pics for your viewing pleasure!

Renewal

Hi. I haven't blogged in quite a while due to a certain nosey and not-so-nice family member. But I'm back! This weekend I will celebrate my 10yr wedding anniversary!!! My hubby and I are renewing our vows and doing it up the way we would have done it 10 yrs ago (if we had had any money to speak of).

A lot has changed in 10 yrs. Bitterman joined the Marine Corps (that's where our adventure began), we've grown, become responsible human beings (sort of), got out of the Corps, had a kid, bought a house, lost a baby, partied, learned how to cook together, have made some amazing friends, have travelled and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Of course, we have had our not so great times, what couple doesn't? But on the whole I feel like I picked to best guy in the world to share my life with.

So as this huge day approaches I can't seem to focus on all this great, exciting stuff. All I can seem to think about is the fact that I have a really lame Dad. My dad was a GREAT dad when I was young. He's was supportive, caring, fun, and tried to really hard mold and teach us kids. I'm not sure where he lost that ability to be a father, but he did. He will not be coming to my renewal this weekend because of the fact that he can't seem to scrape up $500 (I even offered to pay for his plane ticket and he still came up with excuses!). I gave him a YEARS notice. He still couldn't do it. He called me tonight to tell me he'd be thinking of me on Sat. I lit into him. Then just as I started crying and getting really upset he says he has to go because they need him at Bingo. Seriously?? BINGO???? Why would you call to talk to your daughter from Bingo?? AND how could he not understand how important it is to me that he dance with me at my wedding or come support me and my husband or just to see his kids that he hasn't seen in 2 or 3 yrs??!!! How does a father not feel the tug on his heart to be near his children and grandchildren??? I just don't understand it and it has completely broken my heart. I'm disappointed and let down. I really hope no one asks about him on Saturday...

Emotional Stuff

My daughter completely caught me off guard yesterday. She asked what the red, heart-shaped box was. I'm not ready to tell her about the red, heart-shaped box that holds the remains of the baby boy I lost almost 3 yrs ago. To add insult to injury, last night my mother in law brought Logan up. She has recently adopted a little boy who was born right at the time I lost Logan. She mentioned that she thought briefly about changing Alex's name to Logan (I really hope she wasn't serious). I just sat on her couch and cried. I couldn't even speak. I wasn't crying so much about the name thing. It was more about the fact that for almost 3 yrs I have pushed any thoughts of Logan to the back of my head. I haven't told The Girl about him. Bitterman and I don't even talk about him. And now more than ever I am feeling the pressure to have another child before I get to much older. So naturally I have been thinking about Logan and what happens if I do get pregnant and lose that baby. I just don't think I could handle it. So for most of yesterday and today I have been an emotional mess. Just a blob. Thank God I'm starting to see a therapist on Wed. Maybe she can help figure me out!

Hmmmm

Well it looks like my slideshow thingy didn't exactly work? Any suggestions? If you click view all images it shows the slideshow? What gives? Technology really isn't my friend. I've tried, but it beats me down everytime :)

SOCCER!!!

I can't believe I actually enjoyed my daughters first day of soccer! The bugs were terrible, it was very humid, and it was complete chaos, but what fun! I was SO proud of her!!! If I can figure it out, I'll get a slideshow up!

Ranting

It is 5:57am. I have been up with my dog twice and my daughter once tonight and well I'm really just kind of pissed off. And tired. So I'm going to rant a little bit. About what? Mainly about a member of my family, well Bitterman's family. Bitch. Mean spirited, cruel, condescending, irrational, narcissistic bitch. If a member of your family were to curse you out, put down your parenting skills, call your child a "brat" and "out of control" what would you do? I cried. I was so frickin mad that I cried and couldn't get a good response out. Two months later and I'm still very hurt and though there were apologies made, they were just words. NO actions of remorse have ever been made. But everything's on my shoulders because I wrote a text message that said "Are you swimming? The Girl is devastated." Wouldn't a family member ask why???? my child was devastated or what the problem was? I was an at-my-wits-end mommy when I sent that because my child had been sobbing for almost 2 hours about being left out of swimming. By her aunt who was with her children plus the out-of-town cousins. Am I completely irrational to think that when all of a childs cousins are in one place, at one time (which rarely happens) that the adult watching them would call to include the one cousin that isn't there? Especially when we live 15mins. from each other? Am I asking to much? Maybe I am the one that is all backward on this. I don't know. I'm tired, hurt, angry, and just plain amazed by THIS PERSON.

Ass to 5K update

Ok so I haven't been as faithful to these updates as I should be, but here it goes. I have been trying to run more and more each time I go to the gym. I'm not following the Couch to 5K plan very well, but have sort of made up my own way of doing it. Today I did the treadmill for 35 minutes. I warmed up for 5 mins. than ran for a minute, then rested/walked for 2 minutes, than ran a minute and so on and so forth for the 35 minutes. I managed to burn 370 calories and I didn't get nearly as winded as I did when I first started this little adventure. I have also started seeing a dietition along with this. So hopefully, I can finally get a hold on this weight thing of mine. I am happy because I am down 14 lbs since the beginning of the year. But I hope now the weight will start to fall off a little more quickly. Ok so for the ass picture here it goes....





Yes that is a spot/stain on my butt. These are my workout sweats and well I just don't care if they are in perfect condition or not. I have tried getting that stain out many times and well it's just not gonna happen. I don't think my butt is getting any smaller, but there it is. Mrs. G. thanks for keeping me motivated!!!

Survey. Just Because.

Who was your first prom date? Justin D. for Junior prom. Man I was in love with that kid.

Who was your first roommate? well i lived with jess, scott, jared and derek in my first "on my own" apt. it was a 2 bdrm apt. and way to small for all of us!

What was your first job? Grossman's. I got fired. LOL!

What was your first car? The first car I bought with my own money was an '81 Chevy Citation. It was a piece of shit.

Who was your second grade teacher? I really can't remember...Mrs.Reckow I think???

Where did you go on your first ride on airplane? Flew to Miami for my very first cruise!

When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I was with my younger sister and two of her friends. The police ended up bringin us home and we got in BIG trubs.

Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them? My very first best friend was Cheri when I was 6 yrs old. And yes I still talk to her and love her dearly!

Where was your first sleep over? Prolly Cheri's house or Anita's.

Who is the first person you talk to in the morning? Usually my Bitter Little Man, actually scratch that. Prolly My Girl!

Whose wedding were you in the first time? Jess and Scott's!

What is the first thing you do in the morning?Wake up, usually. Then pee.

What was the first concert you ever went to? Poison. Bret Michaels was so frickin hot in all his girly makeup and big hair and skin tight leather pants!

First tattoo or piercing? Had my ears pierced when I was 12. First tattoo when I was 18.

First celebrity crush? Johnny Depp on 21 Jump St. I still LOVE that man!!!!.

First crush? Jon S. I'm completely ashamed to admit....I remember my mom signing my 8th grade yearbook with out me knowing and writing right next to his picture that I better not EVER date him!

When was your first detention? I think it was in like 10th grade or something for being late 4 times to class.

First pet's name? Peaches. Stupid cat.

First Kiss?Ugh!! Again Jon S......

Who was the first person to break your heart? Justin D. Damn that boy!

Couch to 5k

Here's a little update for ya'll on my Couch to 5k progress. So far I have managed to run a few times during my regular workouts. Other than that it has been more of a Couch to the other side of the Couch kind of routine. I mean I have been busy too. I was out of town for the last 2 weekends and did lots and lots of walking then. This week I have taken on the grand task of emptying out my attic, garage and basement to have an end of summer yard sale. Actually, there's a whole street in my town that does this sale every year, so I'm gonna go dump my crap at my friend's house and hope to God it all sells. So that has been quite the chore. I can't believe all the stuff that has accumulated in this house! I mean we've only lived here 3 yrs and it seems like we have more crap than a couple that's been married 50 yrs! I start back to classes next week and then my routine will begin to get back to normal. I will be back at the gym again and hopefully this running thing will start to improve. I did run on my street for a bit a week or so ago and let me tell ya...it's WAY easier to run on a treadmill. Not as fun, but WAY easier. I actually had to push myself to move ahead instead of the belt doing it for me...hmmmm.

Motivation

Ok peeps....I need some motivation. This having the summer off with my girl thing has made me kind of lazy. I haven't completely stopped working out, but I'm not doing nearly as much as I could. I went to see a dietician yesterday. My doctor thinks I may need to "tweak" some of my normal routines to jumpstart my weight loss. So the dietician was the next step. She was really nice and helpful. On top of my working out she wants me to drop my calories (1700 a day instead of 1800). She also wants me to add a "stir-up" exercise in at the end of the week. This stir up thing is an exercise that is either longer in duration, more intense, or more frequent. So one day a week you move more, harder, or longer than your previous exercises. My goal this week is to get at least 2 days at the gym and 2 days walking from home. Then my "stir-up" would be to hit the gym and intesify my workout for 45 minutes. Wish me luck....

On other news I am starting back at classes on the 25th. I can't wait to be honest. I'm really looking forward to my Anatomy and Physiology class. I think it will be fun. I know. I'm a dork. But I also am really looking forward to the Girl getting back into preschool and out from under my feet! I can't wait to just be around adults for a few hours everyday again!!! The conversation this summer with the Girl hasn't been stimulating to say the least. She's probably getting sick of me too at this point. So September can't get here fast enough!!!

For a quick weight loss update I am down 2 lbs. So let's see my starting weight in Jan. was 218, I'm at 205 now. 13 lbs gone and holding, holding, holding......

Because I'm a Derfwad

I feel that I have been called to duty, called to arms, called to asses . Mrs. G. over at Derfwad Manor has put out the challenge of the 5K Ass Project. Now as some of you may recall (well the 2 people that I think sometimes check in here), I have been working on this whole weight loss thing for quite a while (ya know, my whole life) and since January I have joined a gym and have gone to that gym 5 days a week religiously. Being that it's summer now and my child is not in school I have lost the time to go every day. I do still work out just not as intensely and definitely not every day. Now with Mrs. G and many other Derfwads getting their butts off their couches, I feel newly charged and ready to motivate once again!!! For the record I am down 13lbs since I started in January. I hope Mrs. G's inspiration will help motivate to losing another 13lbs. So here goes nothing and I am even going to post an ass picture granny panties and all, though I call them work out panties, so Mrs. G doesn't feel like hers is the only one on the internet. I really am a Derfwad.

Relieved...

My baby girl made it back from her trip to see her cousins in PA. She actually was very good according to my sis. in law and had a GREAT time. What a relief! I was so worried about her freaking out in the middle of the night or not eating because she's not at home. It turns out I was worried for nothing. The four days without her was wonderful. Bitterman and I went and did date type things all weekend. We had a wedding on friday night, which was fun, but we could've skipped it in my opinion. We went out drinking with friends afterwards. Together. We haven't gone out together in probably 3 yrs. So that was really fun! We spent Saturday shopping, walking around holding hands, going to lunch together without a kid in tow, and just enjoying each other's company. It was kind of weird getting in the swing of NOT having a kid with us. I think we both forgot how to just talk to each other. It may sound strange, but we learned how to "date" each other again this weekend. We also went to the movies and shared popcorn and a soda, we slept in, and went out for breakfast at noon!!! It was wonderful. I have to admit when Sunday came I was ready to have my Girl back, though. Bitterman and I spent most of our time out of the house mainly because the house was so quiet and empty without the Girl there. We didn't know what to do! Things are back to normal today. Me and the Girl are getting back into our routine and it feels really good. So there ya have it, my Girl made it thru her long weekend and so did I.

Anxiety

I'm feeling a bit anxious today. Why? Because tomorrow morning at 9am I am taking my beautiful, 4yr old Girl to stay at her aunt's house for four whole days (it might work out to be like 3 1/2 but that's not the point) . This is Bitterman's sister that lives in PA. She's great and has 3 kids. One is younger than The Girl and the other two are a couple years older. I KNOW my baby Goose will have a super fun time. I KNOW she will listen and whatnot. I KNOW that she is not going to die or anything. I KNOW that my sis in law is a GREAT mom that will keep the kids busy til they drop. I just can't help feeling like my Girl isn't quite ready for a 4 day, out of town, sleepover. Family or not. On the other hand, Bitterman and I haven't had any kind of real alone time since we had the Girl. The thought of 4 days free of a child thrills me to no end! I don't even know what we are going to do without her!!! We have a wedding on friday night, which is why we needed the sitter, but other than that we have no plans. We could go to the movies, out to dinner, have sex (HA!), and maybe even go out with all of our friends TOGETHER. Just like when we were first married almost 10 yrs ago. Maybe if I just keep thinking about that stuff I won't feel so anxious about leaving my Baby Girl. Wish me luck!!!

blahdity blah blah blah

I'm bored. I'm sitting here listening to Purple Rain (yes the movie from 1984) and loving every minute of it. Who doesn't love 1984 Prince and his funky purpleness?

My Bitter Little Man is out on the town tonight with the guys. I always wonder what a "guys night" actually consists of. I mean I know my husband. He's not into the stripper thing, he's not a big drinker, he's not into bar hopping and clubbing. So I wonder what exactly they do. He's not into sports either. Is it shop talk all night?? That seems kind of boring. I hope he's having fun.

I'm trying to get our Girl to go to bed. Now that preschool is over she has no desire to keep any kind of a schedule no matter how hard I try. As I sit here typing she is looking through old pictures that I dug out and asking a million and one questions. Here's a bit of our conversation:

The Girl: (looking at first official hospital photo of her) Who's this?

Me: It's you when you were just born.

The Girl: Did I have blood on me?

Me: (wondering where she got that idea) Well yes you did have some blood on you.

The Girl: Is it because I came out of your back?

Me: (rolling with laughter) Well no Baby Goose, you did not come out of my back. I delivered you vaginally.

The Girl: Huh???

Me: That means I had pushed you out the old fashioned way. (giggling just a bit)

The Girl: (blank stare, now walking away from me)

Just so ya'll know, my Girl is 4. She is smarter than me on most days (and I'm ok with that for the most part), but little conversations like this just tickle me to death! It just amazes me what goes thru a 4 yr old brain. She is so aware of everything. The littlest detail she catches it and stores it in that brain of hers. It just amazes me....

Reminders

I need a few reminders of why I love my husband this morning. So I thought I would make a list and put them out to the universe just because. Why do I need a reminder this morning? Well because it is/was 6:30am on a Saturday and our puppy was wimpering and he heard Rocky, rolled over and grumbled something so I would get up and take the poor baby out. Mind you, my husband has 2 good legs and is perfectly capable of getting up and letting the dog out....especially on a SATURDAY morning.

Here's my list in no particular order:

He is my Bitter Little Man.

He is a WONDERFUL father.

He has more integrity than a lot of men have in their pinky finger.

He is completely adorable.

He loves me whether I'm showered or not. (some days this is a biggy)

He knows how to treat me so I feel loved and respected.

He is good to his Mom.

He is strong.

He loves my cooking and will eat it, even though the dog won't even eat some of the stuff I screw up.

He supports his family fully and never ever makes me feel like I could/should do more.

He doesn't get mad because I need to go out on Friday nights with my girls, flirt with much younger boys, and drink prolly a little to much.

(sorry about that finger!)

He understands that my family is crazy and he still loves them.

He is my rock and I wouldn't know how to be me with out him.

OK....I'm feeling better now. Thank you universe for letting me get that out there. ;)

Meme stolen from She's a Rebel, She's a Saint

First reaction:Basically, you look at the word and enter the very first reaction that enters your mind. Doesn't matter how many words it takes, just give your reaction to the word.

Beer: mmmm yummy Boddinton's British ale, bitter, creamy, thick love it!

Sex: none lately, hubby to busy and tired go figure...

McDonald: joe and keith: mean boys from my childhood

Relationship: love mine!

Purple: Prince and my daughter

Power Rangers: can't stand them

Steroids: Tim Phoenix another not so nice boy from my childhood

Cartoons: Simpsons, Strawberry Shortcake, Dora

The President: absolute hatred, disgust, and loathing. (i agree with you, GreenT)

Tupperware: *burp* it

Santa Claus: not a huge fan these days

Halloween: MY BIRTDAY!!!

Alice: in Wonderland

Myspace: i have one and i like it most of the time

Clowns: Shriners

Marriage: love it and would never give it up

Paris: a place where i might run into Johnny Depp????

Patty: cake baker's man...

Redheads: bitch!

One night stands: fun, youth, regret

Donald Trump: that stupid combover he's sportin

Neverland: Johnny Depp and of course Peter Pan

Word: to your mother

Vanilla ice cream: needs hot fudge and a brownie

Hooters: boobs and chicken wings

High School Musical: Zac Efron

Pajamas: love mine

Woody: Toy Story

Wet Socks: yuk, yuk, yuk

Reality: sucks

Honey: only in my tea thanks

Andy: my ex fiance

Money: never enough it seems

Butter: love it!

There you have it! Enjoy!

Common Interests

So today I logged onto a few of my favorite blogs and realized there are a LOT of moms like me out there. Moms with one, two, three or four kids that are still hip, cool, with it, or whatever the lingo of the moment is. I guess sometimes I feel like I'm the only Mom in America that refuses to give up the things I LOVE for my child. Like I refuse to give up my time with my girlfriends on the weekends (usually just friday night for a bit). I refuse to give up the music I like to listen to and listen to KIDZ BOP or Disney or whatever all day everyday. I also refuse to give up MY time. Like the 2 hours a day I get while my child is in preschool. I NEED that time. What brought this on you might ask? Well Ree over thepioneerwoman.com is doing a Zune Giveaway and asks what concerts her readers have seen in their lives. I have been to a LOT of concerts in the last 18 yrs or so. I was a hair band groupie (or wannabe at least). I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing live shows. This is one thing that I did give up when I became a parent. Most of the concerts I would like to see now are hours away these days and it's hard to find a sitter or save the money up to travel or whatever not to mention finding people to go with me is getting harder and harder these days. It was fun to read a bunch of her readers comments about the concerts they have been to and why these women don't follow their favorite band anymore. I realized that there is a whole bunch of cool chics out there that are in the same boat. Trying to stay cool while being stay at home moms (that's what the majority seemed to be). My point I guess is that I don't feel like an oddball now because I realize that there are a lot of Moms out there that are cool, hip chics that manage to hold down the fort while maintaining the things that are important to them. Now don't get me wrong, concerts, music, and girlfriend time are not the only important things to me, but they are the top ones that keep me sane from day to day. I guess I need to start planning a concert trip or something!!! Anyone upfor the Virgin Festival in August???

WOOT!!!!

I am soooo proud to be a New Yorker!!! NY has stood up to say that it will recognize same sex marriages from other jurisdictions (California, Massachusetts, etc). I think this is GREAT news!!! I am not gay, but I FULLY support marriage equality and believe that love is love in any form. Same sex marriages should be treated the same way my marriage to my husband is treated with the same respect and benefits. WOOT! WOOT! to NY for standing up on this!!

Mending Burnt Bridges

Today was interesting. I woke up hungover with 4 hrs of sleep. I needed to explain to my husband at this point that I accidentally forget to pull my emergency brake last night while I was out and my car rolled into another car. Let me just say at this point that when I got out of my car I believed I had put it in 1st gear. I walked away and it did not move, so naturally I assumed my car was parked. I came out a little later and my car was still parked. It wasn't until an hour later that the band at the bar we were at announced that my car needed to be moved. There was no damage to my car, but a nickel size dent was left in the other car. The sheriff was called because super bitch of the century couldn't calm the fuck down long enough for me to give her my insurance card. At this point my BFF called in a favor and dropped a name which helped me out immensely. No ticket issued thank God. My husband decides that he is going to leave me hungover and sleepless with our 4 yr old child all day while he ran errands. I DON'T THINK SO! So I kindly said that I was hoping he would stay home because I wanted to clean out the garage and rake out the gardens, and maybe start a burn pile for a bunch of crap we had. It kind of back fired though because now I had to do manuel labor while I felt like shit. Then my uncle calls and says he is bringing over 2 old dressers that were mine about 20 yrs ago. I thought all that stuff was trashed when my Mom lost our house. So of course I wanted my old dresser that I had graffitied with I <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Mottola written all over the back of it from 4 th grade. It was just a totally weird and random thing. I can't tell how excited I was too see my old dresser. So I go back to cleaning out the garage and in the midst of my laboring I get a text message from my estranged BFF. Long story short, she left her husband a year ago, lied to all of her closest friends and moved to Hawaii. I cut her off after I told her how self absorbed she is and that I didn't have time for it in my life. She is in town. She wants to talk. Start new. I totally looked at this as an opportunity to end being so mad and hurt by what she did a year ago. So we met for coffee and I was sooo frickin nervous I was shaking when I handed the cashier chic my money for my nonfat chai tea latte. It turns out she is in town because her father in law is dying.Well he actually died this morning around 3 am. I didn't know what to say except for sorry. I mean I haven't talk to her face to face in over a year. We sit down and she asks me about what's been going on. I tell her about my rolling car incident. She laughed and I laughed and it was like the last year or so never happened. It all just kind of melted away. Two hours later we finish catching up and I felt like we had been back in our apartment 12 yrs ago just hanging out. It was wonderful to not be angry. She gave me a huge hug and we agreed to get in contact next week after the funeral. So do I now just trust that she has changed and accept that our friendship can be mended? I really hope so. But part of me is very cautious too. I have spent the last year carrying this grudge and anger around. I am hopeful though.
When I finally get home there are my dressers!!! YEAH! I get up close and they are completely trashed. I mean ruined. One of the drawers has some stuff in it though so I check it out. One of my baby toys was in there and a silver snowflake ornament from 1975. I couldn't believe it! These are the last sentimental pieces of my early childhood that exist. I could have done back flips I was sooo excited. So a friendship was mended today, a part of my memories was saved, my garage is clean and I'm still alive after telling my husband about my crazy, rolling car. It was a very good day.

Here comes the bride...

Ok so I am already married, but the first time around (10yrs ago) we kinda just ran off to the J.P. and got hitched. It was quick and most of our family wasn't even invited. Bitterman's sis was his best man and my best friend was my maid of honor. Actually they were both just our witnesses and needed to sign the marriage license for us. LOL! Bitterman, myself and a handful of friends got together at the local diner for our "reception" and that was that. Now 10 yrs later, we are in a much better place financially and we are settled. He is no longer in the military and we have a beautiful little girl. So we decided to renew our vows for our 10 yr anniversary. This is going to be the big to-do that we missed the first time around. So far I am completely overwhelmed with things to do. I had NO idea what was involved with a wedding. It seems like a never ending list! I do have my dress already and I do have the ceremony and reception location booked. The flowers I figured would be easy. I know I want gerbera daisies. I was gonna just go to some craft store and get them and make my own table centerpieces. OF COURSE they don't order them so they can't guarantee that they will have them or if they do, that they will have them in the colors I want. Bummer....so now I have to get them thru a florist when I was hoping to just get the bridesmaids and my flowers thru a florist. Then I realized that I need corsages for the Moms and boutiniers for the guys....blah, blah, blah. I don't have any help either. Which I'm not really complaining, but usually a girl has her mom to help guide her, tell her what is traditional, what looks good with what. I don't have my Mom to help me because she is just not physically able to do so. My Mom in law I thought would be all over helping me since she wasn't at the first one, but that has turned out not to be true. She hasn't even really asked how the planning was going. I'm a little miffed about that, but anywho. So I am basically going on the help of my BFF who has never been married. She is great, but not like someone who has already been thru the routine would be. I'm really just frustrated at this point. That is why I am on here. Venting quietly to my computer while my child runs rampant around the house. There's beer in the fridge. I should drink one or two or three...

Slacker

So I am a slacker....whatcha gonna do about it? I haven't been in a bloggin mood lately. I just feel like the life has been sapped out of me. It's not that anything particularly bad has happened or that I'm more busy. I just don't feel it. Ya know?

I am still plugging away at school. Going part time this semester has made me lazy I think. Without having to worry about 4 or more classes I just haven't been pushing myself. Hopefully this won't hurt me come grade time.

I have been working out 5 days a week since Jan. 5. This is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I don't work out. I haven't really worked out since I was like 19. I was skinny then and energetic and able to eat whatever and not gain an ounce. I ran like 3 miles every day and did weight training and whatnot. Now, at 32, I feel like it just shouldn't be that hard to just start running again. But every time I try it IS that hard. My mind tells my body "You can do this! Your strong!" then my body says "Your old. Give me a break." So it has been a challenge and it is very frustrating that I have been working out and I've only lost 3 lbs. I have lost an inch or two and I feel stronger. This last fact is the only reason I keep going every week. That and I am renewing my vows in December for our 10 yr anniversary. I need to look good. Well I really want to look good.

So this has been my life lately. Working out, part time school, full time Mom, and slacker.