Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Weight Lifted?

So the weight of the world was not necessarily on my shoulders as I thought it was last post. I did my demo and did not do spectacularly, but they did give another chance to do better this Monday coming up. So I will try again and this time I will go in confident and know that whatever happens is meant to be. This little hiccup in my nursing existence has really got me thinking over the past 2 weeks though. I've been wondering if maybe those 2 mistakes in one time period were a sign of sorts that maybe nursing isn't for me. Maybe I was so upset about it because deep down I know that there are more things I dislike, than like about my future career. I know that I don't want to work in a nursing home, a hospital, or on a pediatric floor. I do like psychiatric nursing, but I'm a long way from being able to do that. Whatever the case may be. I'm more at peace with the whole situation and I'm ready to move on if that is what is meant to be. Now if only I didn't have to pay back the school loans....

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Weight of the World

I've really had a rough week. It began last Thursday when I was at clinical. I made the BIGGEST error a nursing student can make. I passed meds to the wrong patient. Let preface that by saying that all day before that I was just off. My head wasn't in the game so to speak. I went in, asked the patient his/her name and they nodded yes. So I proceeded. My training has taught me to double check things like this if I'm not sure but I went ahead anyway. Long story short, I gave the meds, it was the wrong person, I got a big huge write up by my instructor, and now my whole future nursing career hinges on whether I can pass a demo on Monday morning. Now don't get me wrong. I made a mistake and should completely be held accountable for it. But I think the nursing powers that be at my school should look at each case individually, which they do not. The meds I gave were not life threatening, it was my first offense, and I've had nothing but high remarks for my performance in the past. Not to mention that I could have just kept my mouth shut about the whole damn thing and just given meds to correct person and never said boo about it. I am a honest person and the weight of not telling would have been worse for me. But no, come Monday at noon I will have to go before the main instructor of the nursing lab and prove that I am capable. One mistake and I can't pass meds which means I can't complete clinical, which means I am out of the nursing program. The weight of this is nearly unbearable. I am so worried that because of one mistake, the last 3 yrs of my life are going to mean nothing. The money spent, the time away from my daughter and husband, all of it will be for nothing.