Just checking in

I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy with life, school, clinicals, paperwork and some more life. We've had a very mild kick off to winter which I am loving! Although it is a bit strange to have our Christmas decorations out with no snow?!?

We had a bit of a kerfuffle this morning at my house. My now 8 year old daughter decided she was going to act like a 2 year old. My 37 year old husband turned into a raging 12 year old and all I could do was sit back and watch. I had a long heart to heart with the Girl, but my Bitter Little Man?? I just had no words at all for him. I just don't know why he can't understand that our daughter does not respond well or otherwise to him screaming at her at the top of his lungs. Or when he throws things in a fit. She mimics him completely. Of course, when I bring this up I get the whole "yeah it's all my fault" line from him. When essentially all I want him to do is NOT scream or throw things because he's angry with her. It doesn't seem like a hard concept. Oh well.

I'm anxiously awaiting some items from this guy Gary in Ithaca. He is fabulously talented and all of his pottery is beautiful!! Waiting is so hard!! These items are supposed to be gifts for my family Christmas party, but I love them so much I may have to keep one for myself!

Well happy Tuesday to ya wherever you are!

Clean Start

The clean up efforts have begun here in my hometown. There is debris everywhere. My heart still breaks for all of the people that lost everything. It just blows my mind. I'm going out today to try and help around town. Offering my hands, my car, my ear...whatever is needed.

On a happier note the Girl went back to school today. She was not digging it after having such a long "weekend". But she managed to get it together and get on the bus with a smile on her face. I hope all the kids that have been displaced by this flood can find a little normalcy by going back to school today and seeing their friends and teachers.

Complete Madness

It has been a crazy couple of days here in the Greater Binghamton area. Tropical storm Lee decided to drop a crapload of water on us and we have been flooded for 2 days now. My house and little neighborhood is north and high enough that we were fine, but the amount of devastation in my stomping grounds is unfathomable. My best friend, who I love dearly, has lost her business. As of today the water is almost to the roof of her store. My nursing friends are stranded with either no power, no water,  or no way to get out. The grocery stores shelves are bare. That is the one's that are open and not under water. Gas stations have run out of gas. So many of the major roads are closed and under water. I have never felt so helpless and isolated.

I have taken the first steps to do what I can to help by helping out a FB friend with collection of donations for the shelters. I am making my first trip this afternoon to one of the local high schools. I hope my heart can handle seeing all those displaced people. While all this is going on my daughter has been playing with the neighbor kids and laughing without a care in the world. She has no idea how bad it really is around us and I'm not going to try and explain it to her.

I'm praying for all the people involved, the EMT's, the police, the firefighters and volunteers. I kind of just thought it would all go back to normal today, but it hasn't and it won't for a while.

It's 5:01am

I've been up for about 2 hours now. I'm tired. Hubs came home from work and woke me up. I did not want to be woken up. He had a couple of drinks after work and was feeling frisky. I was not feeling frisky. My tooth aches and my stomach is upset and it's the middle of the friggin night. So I roll over and try to go back to sleep. He says, "I don't know why you hate me so much." Ouch. Thanks for that little beauty in the middle of the night. I cry. He says sorry. But here I am still up, still crying. And my damn tooth still friggin hurts.

My Fours

Four Things:

Four Places I go:
1.  School. One day or two days a week depending on the week.
2.  To the grocery store.  Every other day it seems!
3. To my brothers house on Fridays.
4. To work. Occasionally. 

Four Smells that I Love:
1. Any baked good (breads, brownies, cakes etc.)
2. Fresh cut grass
3. My husband fresh out of the shower
4. New born baby smell


Four Favorite TV Shows:
1. Bones
2. Lie to Me
3. NCIS
4. The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Conan



Four Favorite Movies:
1. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (I laugh, I cry, I relate)
2. The Princess Bride (something shared with my siblings)
3. The King's Speech (just recently saw it and LOVE, LOVE, LOVED it!)
4. 


Four Recommendations:
1. Pandora for your BB or iphone. I just LOVE this app!! (I know I'm a little behind here)
2. The Eat-Clean Diet by Tosca Reno (has changed my whole thinking on food)
3. Florence and the Machine--I adore them right now
4. --------



I hope at least four of my friends will do this too!

Tired.

Yep. I'm tired. Tired of school. Tired of the dreary, cold, gray upstate NY weather. Tired of my husband buying golf equipment that he's never needed before but now all of sudden just has to have. Tired of having to bow to my MIL's every little whim. Just TIRED. We are going on vacation in 3 weeks and it can't get here fast enough!!!

On a happier note, my BFF's and I are planning a HUGE, CRAZY vacation for all our families. OAHU 2013 planning is in full effect and I couldn't be more excited!! This will be the most fantastic trip ever if we can pull it off and have the planets align and all that jazz. Just the thought of visiting Hawaii makes me happy!

And on other randomness, I picked up a shift to work on Mother's Day. My Bitter Little Man says, "Do you really want to work on Mother's Day?" All I could think is that it would get me out of having to spend time with HIS mother!! How sad is that?!?

Things That Bother Me

1. A pregnant acquaintance of mine had the nerve to sit across from me smoking cigarettes and smoking pot at a bonfire a couple of weeks ago. I voiced my opinion and she says "There's no proof that pot hurts babies."--I just about lost my shit.

2. There's this stupid kid up the road that FLIES up and down the street. I mean there are small kids on bikes, scooters, and people that walk their dogs. SLOW THE FRICK DOWN!!!

3. My sister in law. Usually I love her, but sometimes she just bothers me.

4. My husband when he starts talking tech stuff. Apple this and Apple that. I need this, I need that. Blah, blah, blah. Just drives me crazy.

The End.

Passed

So I passed my med demo and am relieved, but part of me was kind of hoping they wouldn't pass me. Because then I would be released from the program because of them and not because I quit. I don't want to be a quitter, but more and more I'm wondering if I really want to continue down this road to be an RN. My heart just isn't into it. I hate working at the hospital. I really don't like hands on patient care. I am aware now more than ever that a person's life really could be affected by my actions. I'm  beginning to think that maybe I should look into being an LPN or radiologic technician. I like the office setting better than the hospital setting. I also want to be able to be flexible for my daughter's needs. I don't know....maybe I'm just having a nervous breakdown or something.

On other news, I'm sick. I have strep and haven't had strep since I was a kid. I can't even begin to tell you how crappy I feel. I'm hoping I feel well enough to make it to class tomorrow...

Weight Lifted?

So the weight of the world was not necessarily on my shoulders as I thought it was last post. I did my demo and did not do spectacularly, but they did give another chance to do better this Monday coming up. So I will try again and this time I will go in confident and know that whatever happens is meant to be. This little hiccup in my nursing existence has really got me thinking over the past 2 weeks though. I've been wondering if maybe those 2 mistakes in one time period were a sign of sorts that maybe nursing isn't for me. Maybe I was so upset about it because deep down I know that there are more things I dislike, than like about my future career. I know that I don't want to work in a nursing home, a hospital, or on a pediatric floor. I do like psychiatric nursing, but I'm a long way from being able to do that. Whatever the case may be. I'm more at peace with the whole situation and I'm ready to move on if that is what is meant to be. Now if only I didn't have to pay back the school loans....

Weight of the World

I've really had a rough week. It began last Thursday when I was at clinical. I made the BIGGEST error a nursing student can make. I passed meds to the wrong patient. Let preface that by saying that all day before that I was just off. My head wasn't in the game so to speak. I went in, asked the patient his/her name and they nodded yes. So I proceeded. My training has taught me to double check things like this if I'm not sure but I went ahead anyway. Long story short, I gave the meds, it was the wrong person, I got a big huge write up by my instructor, and now my whole future nursing career hinges on whether I can pass a demo on Monday morning. Now don't get me wrong. I made a mistake and should completely be held accountable for it. But I think the nursing powers that be at my school should look at each case individually, which they do not. The meds I gave were not life threatening, it was my first offense, and I've had nothing but high remarks for my performance in the past. Not to mention that I could have just kept my mouth shut about the whole damn thing and just given meds to correct person and never said boo about it. I am a honest person and the weight of not telling would have been worse for me. But no, come Monday at noon I will have to go before the main instructor of the nursing lab and prove that I am capable. One mistake and I can't pass meds which means I can't complete clinical, which means I am out of the nursing program. The weight of this is nearly unbearable. I am so worried that because of one mistake, the last 3 yrs of my life are going to mean nothing. The money spent, the time away from my daughter and husband, all of it will be for nothing.