Been a while

So haven't been blogging, rehashing life events, or whining lately so I figured I better post an update on life!

I GRADUATED!!! I'm officially a graduate nurse. I need to take my state boards then I'll be a REGISTERED NURSE!!! BUT in the mean time I'm having a terrible time trying to find a job and get the lousy 200 bucks to take the stinking exam. :)

That was the highlight of May!! Then came June and I tried to get back into the swing of things with my workouts and totally wrecked my back. This has caused me to not do anything. Walking slowly is the extent of my workouts right now. So that was my June! Fun fun.

July came and I was hopeful to be feeling better and I had a HUGE  event to look forward to! The famous/infamous MRS. G was coming to my little part of the world while on her crazy tour across our beautiful country! Gary aka Derfwad Mancake gave us a quick tour of his totally awesome pottery studio. He's one talented guy!!

Mrs. G was purely genuine and fun and awesome in every way!! It was such a cool experience to meet people that I've been following online. It's funny how you imagine their voices sound or how tall they are or whatever. Or maybe I just do that...anywho it was a great bunch of Derfs. Gary and his lovely wife were wonderful gracious hosts and I can't thank them enough for letting us invade their purple house!!  It truly was the highlight of my summer to be a part of something so fun!!

Now, at the end of July, my back is finally starting feel better and we have a beach vacay planned for next week (DELAWARE HERE WE COME!!!). Things are looking up and honestly I can't wait for school to start back up! It's HARD entertaining an 8 yr old all day every day for the summer! Next year I'm definitely getting her into summer camp or something!!

There's the short and to the point update on life right now. It's good. I'm happy. I can't wait for the beach!

Just checking in

I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy with life, school, clinicals, paperwork and some more life. We've had a very mild kick off to winter which I am loving! Although it is a bit strange to have our Christmas decorations out with no snow?!?

We had a bit of a kerfuffle this morning at my house. My now 8 year old daughter decided she was going to act like a 2 year old. My 37 year old husband turned into a raging 12 year old and all I could do was sit back and watch. I had a long heart to heart with the Girl, but my Bitter Little Man?? I just had no words at all for him. I just don't know why he can't understand that our daughter does not respond well or otherwise to him screaming at her at the top of his lungs. Or when he throws things in a fit. She mimics him completely. Of course, when I bring this up I get the whole "yeah it's all my fault" line from him. When essentially all I want him to do is NOT scream or throw things because he's angry with her. It doesn't seem like a hard concept. Oh well.

I'm anxiously awaiting some items from this guy Gary in Ithaca. He is fabulously talented and all of his pottery is beautiful!! Waiting is so hard!! These items are supposed to be gifts for my family Christmas party, but I love them so much I may have to keep one for myself!

Well happy Tuesday to ya wherever you are!

Clean Start

The clean up efforts have begun here in my hometown. There is debris everywhere. My heart still breaks for all of the people that lost everything. It just blows my mind. I'm going out today to try and help around town. Offering my hands, my car, my ear...whatever is needed.

On a happier note the Girl went back to school today. She was not digging it after having such a long "weekend". But she managed to get it together and get on the bus with a smile on her face. I hope all the kids that have been displaced by this flood can find a little normalcy by going back to school today and seeing their friends and teachers.

Complete Madness

It has been a crazy couple of days here in the Greater Binghamton area. Tropical storm Lee decided to drop a crapload of water on us and we have been flooded for 2 days now. My house and little neighborhood is north and high enough that we were fine, but the amount of devastation in my stomping grounds is unfathomable. My best friend, who I love dearly, has lost her business. As of today the water is almost to the roof of her store. My nursing friends are stranded with either no power, no water,  or no way to get out. The grocery stores shelves are bare. That is the one's that are open and not under water. Gas stations have run out of gas. So many of the major roads are closed and under water. I have never felt so helpless and isolated.

I have taken the first steps to do what I can to help by helping out a FB friend with collection of donations for the shelters. I am making my first trip this afternoon to one of the local high schools. I hope my heart can handle seeing all those displaced people. While all this is going on my daughter has been playing with the neighbor kids and laughing without a care in the world. She has no idea how bad it really is around us and I'm not going to try and explain it to her.

I'm praying for all the people involved, the EMT's, the police, the firefighters and volunteers. I kind of just thought it would all go back to normal today, but it hasn't and it won't for a while.

It's 5:01am

I've been up for about 2 hours now. I'm tired. Hubs came home from work and woke me up. I did not want to be woken up. He had a couple of drinks after work and was feeling frisky. I was not feeling frisky. My tooth aches and my stomach is upset and it's the middle of the friggin night. So I roll over and try to go back to sleep. He says, "I don't know why you hate me so much." Ouch. Thanks for that little beauty in the middle of the night. I cry. He says sorry. But here I am still up, still crying. And my damn tooth still friggin hurts.

My Fours

Four Things:

Four Places I go:
1.  School. One day or two days a week depending on the week.
2.  To the grocery store.  Every other day it seems!
3. To my brothers house on Fridays.
4. To work. Occasionally. 

Four Smells that I Love:
1. Any baked good (breads, brownies, cakes etc.)
2. Fresh cut grass
3. My husband fresh out of the shower
4. New born baby smell


Four Favorite TV Shows:
1. Bones
2. Lie to Me
3. NCIS
4. The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Conan



Four Favorite Movies:
1. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (I laugh, I cry, I relate)
2. The Princess Bride (something shared with my siblings)
3. The King's Speech (just recently saw it and LOVE, LOVE, LOVED it!)
4. 


Four Recommendations:
1. Pandora for your BB or iphone. I just LOVE this app!! (I know I'm a little behind here)
2. The Eat-Clean Diet by Tosca Reno (has changed my whole thinking on food)
3. Florence and the Machine--I adore them right now
4. --------



I hope at least four of my friends will do this too!

Tired.

Yep. I'm tired. Tired of school. Tired of the dreary, cold, gray upstate NY weather. Tired of my husband buying golf equipment that he's never needed before but now all of sudden just has to have. Tired of having to bow to my MIL's every little whim. Just TIRED. We are going on vacation in 3 weeks and it can't get here fast enough!!!

On a happier note, my BFF's and I are planning a HUGE, CRAZY vacation for all our families. OAHU 2013 planning is in full effect and I couldn't be more excited!! This will be the most fantastic trip ever if we can pull it off and have the planets align and all that jazz. Just the thought of visiting Hawaii makes me happy!

And on other randomness, I picked up a shift to work on Mother's Day. My Bitter Little Man says, "Do you really want to work on Mother's Day?" All I could think is that it would get me out of having to spend time with HIS mother!! How sad is that?!?

Things That Bother Me

1. A pregnant acquaintance of mine had the nerve to sit across from me smoking cigarettes and smoking pot at a bonfire a couple of weeks ago. I voiced my opinion and she says "There's no proof that pot hurts babies."--I just about lost my shit.

2. There's this stupid kid up the road that FLIES up and down the street. I mean there are small kids on bikes, scooters, and people that walk their dogs. SLOW THE FRICK DOWN!!!

3. My sister in law. Usually I love her, but sometimes she just bothers me.

4. My husband when he starts talking tech stuff. Apple this and Apple that. I need this, I need that. Blah, blah, blah. Just drives me crazy.

The End.

Passed

So I passed my med demo and am relieved, but part of me was kind of hoping they wouldn't pass me. Because then I would be released from the program because of them and not because I quit. I don't want to be a quitter, but more and more I'm wondering if I really want to continue down this road to be an RN. My heart just isn't into it. I hate working at the hospital. I really don't like hands on patient care. I am aware now more than ever that a person's life really could be affected by my actions. I'm  beginning to think that maybe I should look into being an LPN or radiologic technician. I like the office setting better than the hospital setting. I also want to be able to be flexible for my daughter's needs. I don't know....maybe I'm just having a nervous breakdown or something.

On other news, I'm sick. I have strep and haven't had strep since I was a kid. I can't even begin to tell you how crappy I feel. I'm hoping I feel well enough to make it to class tomorrow...

Weight Lifted?

So the weight of the world was not necessarily on my shoulders as I thought it was last post. I did my demo and did not do spectacularly, but they did give another chance to do better this Monday coming up. So I will try again and this time I will go in confident and know that whatever happens is meant to be. This little hiccup in my nursing existence has really got me thinking over the past 2 weeks though. I've been wondering if maybe those 2 mistakes in one time period were a sign of sorts that maybe nursing isn't for me. Maybe I was so upset about it because deep down I know that there are more things I dislike, than like about my future career. I know that I don't want to work in a nursing home, a hospital, or on a pediatric floor. I do like psychiatric nursing, but I'm a long way from being able to do that. Whatever the case may be. I'm more at peace with the whole situation and I'm ready to move on if that is what is meant to be. Now if only I didn't have to pay back the school loans....

Weight of the World

I've really had a rough week. It began last Thursday when I was at clinical. I made the BIGGEST error a nursing student can make. I passed meds to the wrong patient. Let preface that by saying that all day before that I was just off. My head wasn't in the game so to speak. I went in, asked the patient his/her name and they nodded yes. So I proceeded. My training has taught me to double check things like this if I'm not sure but I went ahead anyway. Long story short, I gave the meds, it was the wrong person, I got a big huge write up by my instructor, and now my whole future nursing career hinges on whether I can pass a demo on Monday morning. Now don't get me wrong. I made a mistake and should completely be held accountable for it. But I think the nursing powers that be at my school should look at each case individually, which they do not. The meds I gave were not life threatening, it was my first offense, and I've had nothing but high remarks for my performance in the past. Not to mention that I could have just kept my mouth shut about the whole damn thing and just given meds to correct person and never said boo about it. I am a honest person and the weight of not telling would have been worse for me. But no, come Monday at noon I will have to go before the main instructor of the nursing lab and prove that I am capable. One mistake and I can't pass meds which means I can't complete clinical, which means I am out of the nursing program. The weight of this is nearly unbearable. I am so worried that because of one mistake, the last 3 yrs of my life are going to mean nothing. The money spent, the time away from my daughter and husband, all of it will be for nothing.

Beliefs

I had the weirdest thing happen the other day...a long time friend of mine emailed me on FB to ask me if I was raised Mormon. Totally took me by surprise. I stopped really practicing the Mormon religion when I was about 15 or so. That whole teenage angst thing mixed with a bipolar, out of work-off her meds, mother and two brothers that were more interested in getting high and spitting on me kind of threw a kink in my belief system. I lost my faith in just about everything and everyone during those years. Now that I'm an adult with a child, I toss around the idea of going back to the church. There's a lot of really great things about the Mormon religion--the sense of community and charity is overwhelming. But there are a lot of things about the religion that, at this point in my life, I just don't buy in to. For instance, some of the ideas about not drinking, smoking, cursing, drinking caffeine and so on just don't sit well with me. I honestly don't believe that God will send me to eternal damnation for drinking a beer or a soda. I also don't really like how it is a male dominant religion. Women don't really hold any positions of power with in the church. That all being said, I still feel as though I'm not really comfortable in a church unless it's a Mormon church. I've been to many other churches with my friends and in laws and have never totally felt that feeling. The feeling of something true and good. The feeling that the people are genuine. I guess that's part of the reason I left the Mormon church...I stopped feeling that feeling. That still small voice was gone. I struggle with this a lot. I want to believe in something again...I just don't know how.

One Holiday Down...

I made it through Thanksgiving...barely. I've had a KILLER headache for 2 days now and nothing is helping it go away! The food was surprisingly good at my MIL's and I only shed a couple tears when I had to drop my Mom off tonight...

So yeah. Thanksgiving down, just Christmas to go!

Countdown to T-Day

It's almost here! Thanksgiving!! Yay!! NOT. We are spending the whole day with my in-laws this year. It really won't be that bad, but it doesn't require some work to mentally prepare for the day. I am pleasantly surprised that we aren't providing everything this year. Usually my MIL asks us to make potatoes, sweet potatoes, scalloped oysters (yuck!), 3 pies, a jello dessert, and rolls. She provides just the turkey. But this year our list of items was shortened to just sweet potatoes, two pies and the scalloped oysters (still yuck). I'm glad, but now I'm wondering who's in charge of the other stuff? Is she going to cook everything else? Martha Stewart she isn't. I guess we'll just have to see!

On other holiday news, our tree is up, lights are put up on the house and stockings are hung. I think the Hubs jumped the gun a little but they do look nice...is it January yet?

Holiday Blahs--The Early Edition

I do not like the holiday season. Does that make me a bad person? I mean I make it through Thanksgiving ok, but Christmas straight on through New Year's is all down hill. Christmas has always meant stress, money concerns, too much running around, and too much focus on the gifts for everyone, too much family trying to cram a years worth of bonding into one day. Tonight the stress began about what day to have our family Christmas get together. Due to more family being in state this year and multiple parties, I suggested our family celebrating a week later. Make it a NYE/Christmas party. Well you'd think I killed the Pope or something. It's been nothing but drama and bickering for a week now. I had an all out fight with my youngest brother about it. Because he decided a hockey game would be more important for him on the night of our party. Add to this the fact that my husband LOVES Christmas and has been playing Christmas music since the day after Halloween and you can see why I'm a bit off. He's been calling me Scrooge on top of it too. I think the last time I enjoyed Christmas I was 12. I should start drinking now and just not stop until we're well into January...

What's for Dinner?

I have been very diligent over the past week to watch my calories and get to the gym. I'm really trying to focus more on me and my health. It hit me a couple weeks ago when I turned 35 (gasp) that I really need to get it together. But tonight...tonight there is nothing I want more than my mom's fried chicken and mashed potatoes. So that is what I'm making. I even measured my ingredients for the first time ever so I could post them for you two people that read my blog from time to time. Now I just call this recipe my mom's fried chicken, but my youngest brother calls it Half-Assed Fried Chicken. Why half-assed? Well because I only fried the chicken on the stove top to brown it up and then I finish cooking it in the oven. It still turns out crispy, crunchy and delicious. So here's the cast of characters. WARNING: there is nothing healthy about this recipe at all!

Ingredients:

6 bone in, skin on chicken thighs

3/4 c. of vegetable or other oil of your choice

2 tbsp butter

2 c. all purpose flour

1/2 tsp chili powder

just less than 1 tbsp seasoned salt

1tbsp dried parsley

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp poultry seasoning

2 tsp minced onions (dried McCormick brand)

1 tbsp kosher salt

1/2 tsp black pepper

2 eggs whisked with a dash of water

Begin by combining the flour and all of the seasonings. I prefer to use a ziploc type bag and shaking it all together. Rinse your chicken and then place in the flour mixture, a couple pieces at a time, and shake the hell out of it. Once all pieces are coated then place the chicken in the whisked egg mixture and coat each side. Place the chicken back in the flour bag and shake to coat again. While I'm doing these steps I start my oil and butter heating in a pan. I really crank it up to about medium high to get the oil good and hot. Once all the chicken is coated for the second time and the oil is hot then I place a few pieces in at time or if I feel like using my big pan I can usually get all 6 pieces in at once. I leave them to fry on one side for maybe 5-8 minutes and the flip them to brown up the other side. The second side only takes about 5 minutes. Once all the chicken is golden brown and crispy I place them on a baking sheet and popped them into a 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes or 185-200 degrees. YUM!!!

Sanity

Sanity has returned to my house. My last post was me at my wits end. Literally. I let it all out via text message to the Man and I believe he was afraid to come home that night. Long story short, I got over it and my child is my angelic little girl once again. Well maybe not angelic...

So no worries, I haven't gone ape shit and put my kid in a closet for days or anything.

There are days that I desperately wish for nothing more than to be in a quiet room by myself with no family within 100 miles. Preferably, that room would be on a beach with a well stocked bar.

Losing it

i am losing my fucking mind right now. why? because my 7 yr old child has, in the last hour, thrown a fit over cheese, a fit over a toy that she broke, and a fit over a doll. i have HAD IT!! it's been one of those days where the only words out of her mouth is "I NEED". let's keep in mind that any other day she is a completely independent, makes her own snack, plays by herself kind of chick. not today. today it's let's be up mommy's ass all day, day. mommy needs a break. like now.

Six year olds

My Girl is 6. She will be 7 very shortly. The never ending list of things she wants for her birthday keeps getting brought up over dinner. Like I could ever forget it...dolls, razor scooter thingy, zhu zhu pets (yikes?), a four wheeler, the Barbie doll that's a mermaid, some clothes, and pink streaks in her hair are constants. Every now and then she throws something else in there that some kid on the bus had, but for the most part those are the gifts at the top of her list. So here's my thing, I don't feel that a lot of these are worth wasting my money on. A four wheeler is just out of the question because I don't have an extra 600-1000 bucks to drop on her, the zhu zhu pets are just ridiculous, and the Barbie...well let's just say me and Barbie don't get along so well. My Bitter Little Man thinks I'm bitter and stingy about gift giving, but it's really just that I don't want a bunch of crap around my house that's just gonna get chewed by the dog or I'm going to end up picking up 10,000 times a day. Does that make me a bad mom? Maybe it's because I was brought up in a very poor household with 4 children and when it came to birthdays or Christmas is was always very simple. We got one big gift and then usually some little items that we could use (shampoo, conditioner, pens, pencils etc...). There was a lot of sacrificing and compromising. I just feel like even though my husband and I are better off than my parents were it doesn't mean we should just give in to our daughter's every little wish. How will she ever truly appreciate anything? I've been trying to figure out ways to help her appreciate the things we do provide for her. So far...it's not working. How do you get a 6 year old to understand and appreciate what she has? Maybe I'm expecting too much...

So Here's the Skinny

I'm getting more used to my new job. Do I love it? NO. Is it a means to an end while I finish up school? YES. It has definitely given me a profound appreciation for the difference between what a nurse does and a nurse's aide does. I can't wait to be a nurse. Being able to sit once in a while will be completely worth it! The aides NEVER sit or eat or pee or stand in one spot very long. It's so exhausting. I know I kinda sound like a whiner, but I've been a stay at home for the last 3 yrs and before that I was at a desk playing receptionist all day. It's a big change to be up and moving for 8 hrs straight! Add in bending, lifting, squatting, stretching, pulling, walking and phewwwww I tell it's one hell of a workout!

Speaking of workouts....my insanity kick I was on has ended. I just don't have the time now (excuses, excuses). I'm going to try and fit in some extra walking around campus and really crack down on my eating habits. I've gained SO MUCH FRIGGIN WEIGHT!!! And I'm really beginning to be disgusted by it. So once I get my class routine down, then that will be the next focus.

Other than school and work I am trying to fit my family in there somewhere. I'll be glad when school starts for my Girl then I won't feel so bad about leaving her everyday for hours. She'll be learning while I'm learning. Woot! My Bitter Little Man on the other hand is a whole different situation. He's picked up a shift at work one night a week in addition to his normal night hours. During the days before he goes to work I am in class, by the time I get out he's gone and doesn't get home until after I've gone to bed....maybe I can catch him on the weekend? This kind of situation makes us both very irritable. I'm only on day 2 of classes and that is apparent. Why didn't I do all this school stuff when I was 18??? Hmmmm?? My parents totally should have kicked my ass into shape back in the day. Well they weren't really in a position to, I guess. That's it for now...happy Tuesday to ya!