Emotional Stuff

My daughter completely caught me off guard yesterday. She asked what the red, heart-shaped box was. I'm not ready to tell her about the red, heart-shaped box that holds the remains of the baby boy I lost almost 3 yrs ago. To add insult to injury, last night my mother in law brought Logan up. She has recently adopted a little boy who was born right at the time I lost Logan. She mentioned that she thought briefly about changing Alex's name to Logan (I really hope she wasn't serious). I just sat on her couch and cried. I couldn't even speak. I wasn't crying so much about the name thing. It was more about the fact that for almost 3 yrs I have pushed any thoughts of Logan to the back of my head. I haven't told The Girl about him. Bitterman and I don't even talk about him. And now more than ever I am feeling the pressure to have another child before I get to much older. So naturally I have been thinking about Logan and what happens if I do get pregnant and lose that baby. I just don't think I could handle it. So for most of yesterday and today I have been an emotional mess. Just a blob. Thank God I'm starting to see a therapist on Wed. Maybe she can help figure me out!

Hmmmm

Well it looks like my slideshow thingy didn't exactly work? Any suggestions? If you click view all images it shows the slideshow? What gives? Technology really isn't my friend. I've tried, but it beats me down everytime :)

SOCCER!!!

I can't believe I actually enjoyed my daughters first day of soccer! The bugs were terrible, it was very humid, and it was complete chaos, but what fun! I was SO proud of her!!! If I can figure it out, I'll get a slideshow up!

Ranting

It is 5:57am. I have been up with my dog twice and my daughter once tonight and well I'm really just kind of pissed off. And tired. So I'm going to rant a little bit. About what? Mainly about a member of my family, well Bitterman's family. Bitch. Mean spirited, cruel, condescending, irrational, narcissistic bitch. If a member of your family were to curse you out, put down your parenting skills, call your child a "brat" and "out of control" what would you do? I cried. I was so frickin mad that I cried and couldn't get a good response out. Two months later and I'm still very hurt and though there were apologies made, they were just words. NO actions of remorse have ever been made. But everything's on my shoulders because I wrote a text message that said "Are you swimming? The Girl is devastated." Wouldn't a family member ask why???? my child was devastated or what the problem was? I was an at-my-wits-end mommy when I sent that because my child had been sobbing for almost 2 hours about being left out of swimming. By her aunt who was with her children plus the out-of-town cousins. Am I completely irrational to think that when all of a childs cousins are in one place, at one time (which rarely happens) that the adult watching them would call to include the one cousin that isn't there? Especially when we live 15mins. from each other? Am I asking to much? Maybe I am the one that is all backward on this. I don't know. I'm tired, hurt, angry, and just plain amazed by THIS PERSON.

Ass to 5K update

Ok so I haven't been as faithful to these updates as I should be, but here it goes. I have been trying to run more and more each time I go to the gym. I'm not following the Couch to 5K plan very well, but have sort of made up my own way of doing it. Today I did the treadmill for 35 minutes. I warmed up for 5 mins. than ran for a minute, then rested/walked for 2 minutes, than ran a minute and so on and so forth for the 35 minutes. I managed to burn 370 calories and I didn't get nearly as winded as I did when I first started this little adventure. I have also started seeing a dietition along with this. So hopefully, I can finally get a hold on this weight thing of mine. I am happy because I am down 14 lbs since the beginning of the year. But I hope now the weight will start to fall off a little more quickly. Ok so for the ass picture here it goes....





Yes that is a spot/stain on my butt. These are my workout sweats and well I just don't care if they are in perfect condition or not. I have tried getting that stain out many times and well it's just not gonna happen. I don't think my butt is getting any smaller, but there it is. Mrs. G. thanks for keeping me motivated!!!

Survey. Just Because.

Who was your first prom date? Justin D. for Junior prom. Man I was in love with that kid.

Who was your first roommate? well i lived with jess, scott, jared and derek in my first "on my own" apt. it was a 2 bdrm apt. and way to small for all of us!

What was your first job? Grossman's. I got fired. LOL!

What was your first car? The first car I bought with my own money was an '81 Chevy Citation. It was a piece of shit.

Who was your second grade teacher? I really can't remember...Mrs.Reckow I think???

Where did you go on your first ride on airplane? Flew to Miami for my very first cruise!

When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I was with my younger sister and two of her friends. The police ended up bringin us home and we got in BIG trubs.

Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them? My very first best friend was Cheri when I was 6 yrs old. And yes I still talk to her and love her dearly!

Where was your first sleep over? Prolly Cheri's house or Anita's.

Who is the first person you talk to in the morning? Usually my Bitter Little Man, actually scratch that. Prolly My Girl!

Whose wedding were you in the first time? Jess and Scott's!

What is the first thing you do in the morning?Wake up, usually. Then pee.

What was the first concert you ever went to? Poison. Bret Michaels was so frickin hot in all his girly makeup and big hair and skin tight leather pants!

First tattoo or piercing? Had my ears pierced when I was 12. First tattoo when I was 18.

First celebrity crush? Johnny Depp on 21 Jump St. I still LOVE that man!!!!.

First crush? Jon S. I'm completely ashamed to admit....I remember my mom signing my 8th grade yearbook with out me knowing and writing right next to his picture that I better not EVER date him!

When was your first detention? I think it was in like 10th grade or something for being late 4 times to class.

First pet's name? Peaches. Stupid cat.

First Kiss?Ugh!! Again Jon S......

Who was the first person to break your heart? Justin D. Damn that boy!

Couch to 5k

Here's a little update for ya'll on my Couch to 5k progress. So far I have managed to run a few times during my regular workouts. Other than that it has been more of a Couch to the other side of the Couch kind of routine. I mean I have been busy too. I was out of town for the last 2 weekends and did lots and lots of walking then. This week I have taken on the grand task of emptying out my attic, garage and basement to have an end of summer yard sale. Actually, there's a whole street in my town that does this sale every year, so I'm gonna go dump my crap at my friend's house and hope to God it all sells. So that has been quite the chore. I can't believe all the stuff that has accumulated in this house! I mean we've only lived here 3 yrs and it seems like we have more crap than a couple that's been married 50 yrs! I start back to classes next week and then my routine will begin to get back to normal. I will be back at the gym again and hopefully this running thing will start to improve. I did run on my street for a bit a week or so ago and let me tell ya...it's WAY easier to run on a treadmill. Not as fun, but WAY easier. I actually had to push myself to move ahead instead of the belt doing it for me...hmmmm.