Mending Burnt Bridges

Today was interesting. I woke up hungover with 4 hrs of sleep. I needed to explain to my husband at this point that I accidentally forget to pull my emergency brake last night while I was out and my car rolled into another car. Let me just say at this point that when I got out of my car I believed I had put it in 1st gear. I walked away and it did not move, so naturally I assumed my car was parked. I came out a little later and my car was still parked. It wasn't until an hour later that the band at the bar we were at announced that my car needed to be moved. There was no damage to my car, but a nickel size dent was left in the other car. The sheriff was called because super bitch of the century couldn't calm the fuck down long enough for me to give her my insurance card. At this point my BFF called in a favor and dropped a name which helped me out immensely. No ticket issued thank God. My husband decides that he is going to leave me hungover and sleepless with our 4 yr old child all day while he ran errands. I DON'T THINK SO! So I kindly said that I was hoping he would stay home because I wanted to clean out the garage and rake out the gardens, and maybe start a burn pile for a bunch of crap we had. It kind of back fired though because now I had to do manuel labor while I felt like shit. Then my uncle calls and says he is bringing over 2 old dressers that were mine about 20 yrs ago. I thought all that stuff was trashed when my Mom lost our house. So of course I wanted my old dresser that I had graffitied with I <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Mottola written all over the back of it from 4 th grade. It was just a totally weird and random thing. I can't tell how excited I was too see my old dresser. So I go back to cleaning out the garage and in the midst of my laboring I get a text message from my estranged BFF. Long story short, she left her husband a year ago, lied to all of her closest friends and moved to Hawaii. I cut her off after I told her how self absorbed she is and that I didn't have time for it in my life. She is in town. She wants to talk. Start new. I totally looked at this as an opportunity to end being so mad and hurt by what she did a year ago. So we met for coffee and I was sooo frickin nervous I was shaking when I handed the cashier chic my money for my nonfat chai tea latte. It turns out she is in town because her father in law is dying.Well he actually died this morning around 3 am. I didn't know what to say except for sorry. I mean I haven't talk to her face to face in over a year. We sit down and she asks me about what's been going on. I tell her about my rolling car incident. She laughed and I laughed and it was like the last year or so never happened. It all just kind of melted away. Two hours later we finish catching up and I felt like we had been back in our apartment 12 yrs ago just hanging out. It was wonderful to not be angry. She gave me a huge hug and we agreed to get in contact next week after the funeral. So do I now just trust that she has changed and accept that our friendship can be mended? I really hope so. But part of me is very cautious too. I have spent the last year carrying this grudge and anger around. I am hopeful though.
When I finally get home there are my dressers!!! YEAH! I get up close and they are completely trashed. I mean ruined. One of the drawers has some stuff in it though so I check it out. One of my baby toys was in there and a silver snowflake ornament from 1975. I couldn't believe it! These are the last sentimental pieces of my early childhood that exist. I could have done back flips I was sooo excited. So a friendship was mended today, a part of my memories was saved, my garage is clean and I'm still alive after telling my husband about my crazy, rolling car. It was a very good day.

Here comes the bride...

Ok so I am already married, but the first time around (10yrs ago) we kinda just ran off to the J.P. and got hitched. It was quick and most of our family wasn't even invited. Bitterman's sis was his best man and my best friend was my maid of honor. Actually they were both just our witnesses and needed to sign the marriage license for us. LOL! Bitterman, myself and a handful of friends got together at the local diner for our "reception" and that was that. Now 10 yrs later, we are in a much better place financially and we are settled. He is no longer in the military and we have a beautiful little girl. So we decided to renew our vows for our 10 yr anniversary. This is going to be the big to-do that we missed the first time around. So far I am completely overwhelmed with things to do. I had NO idea what was involved with a wedding. It seems like a never ending list! I do have my dress already and I do have the ceremony and reception location booked. The flowers I figured would be easy. I know I want gerbera daisies. I was gonna just go to some craft store and get them and make my own table centerpieces. OF COURSE they don't order them so they can't guarantee that they will have them or if they do, that they will have them in the colors I want. Bummer....so now I have to get them thru a florist when I was hoping to just get the bridesmaids and my flowers thru a florist. Then I realized that I need corsages for the Moms and boutiniers for the guys....blah, blah, blah. I don't have any help either. Which I'm not really complaining, but usually a girl has her mom to help guide her, tell her what is traditional, what looks good with what. I don't have my Mom to help me because she is just not physically able to do so. My Mom in law I thought would be all over helping me since she wasn't at the first one, but that has turned out not to be true. She hasn't even really asked how the planning was going. I'm a little miffed about that, but anywho. So I am basically going on the help of my BFF who has never been married. She is great, but not like someone who has already been thru the routine would be. I'm really just frustrated at this point. That is why I am on here. Venting quietly to my computer while my child runs rampant around the house. There's beer in the fridge. I should drink one or two or three...

Slacker

So I am a slacker....whatcha gonna do about it? I haven't been in a bloggin mood lately. I just feel like the life has been sapped out of me. It's not that anything particularly bad has happened or that I'm more busy. I just don't feel it. Ya know?

I am still plugging away at school. Going part time this semester has made me lazy I think. Without having to worry about 4 or more classes I just haven't been pushing myself. Hopefully this won't hurt me come grade time.

I have been working out 5 days a week since Jan. 5. This is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I don't work out. I haven't really worked out since I was like 19. I was skinny then and energetic and able to eat whatever and not gain an ounce. I ran like 3 miles every day and did weight training and whatnot. Now, at 32, I feel like it just shouldn't be that hard to just start running again. But every time I try it IS that hard. My mind tells my body "You can do this! Your strong!" then my body says "Your old. Give me a break." So it has been a challenge and it is very frustrating that I have been working out and I've only lost 3 lbs. I have lost an inch or two and I feel stronger. This last fact is the only reason I keep going every week. That and I am renewing my vows in December for our 10 yr anniversary. I need to look good. Well I really want to look good.

So this has been my life lately. Working out, part time school, full time Mom, and slacker.

2007 Holiday Wish List

Per Greentshirt I am putting out my Holiday Wish List to the universe and whatnot... Here we go:

1. I wish/hope that Bitteman gets an interview with the U.S. Marshals.

2. I wish for willpower to stick to WW.

3. I wish for good health for all my friends and family.

4. I really wish for a super hot leather jacket.

5. I wish for a GOOD president to be voted in.

6. I wish for enough money to keep food on my table and clothes on our backs.

7. I wish for my sister to move back home.

8. I would really like a vacation this year.

9. I wish my in-laws would realize how hard their son works for them and they would TELL him how proud they are.

10. I wish/hope that I maintain my A's in school.

Ok so there's my list. Nothing to crazy I don't think. Who knows maybe I will have some of my wishes granted!

On other news, I am officially another year older as of yesterday. It really hasn't bummed me out like I thought it would. I lost another 1/2 lb at WW this week. Which is great considering all the chocolate and stuff I have been eating because of Halloween. My mid term grades are all A's. I don't really have much to complain about these days. Life is good. Talk to ya'll soon!

Loss

This has been a whirlwind weekend. It started Friday morning with a call from my Mom-in-law. You know, that call at the crack of dawn and your thinking "Oh God who died..." Well my husband's Nana had a heart attack on thurs. As of friday morning she was in ICU. By friday night she was back in the OR and they weren't sure what was happening. Saturday morning Mom-in-law comes to our house at 8am and takes Bitterman to PA. By early evening last night the prognosis was not good. Nana had internal bleeding, a blockage in her intestine, and her stomach had stopped functioning along with her kidneys. The whole family has come in from other states and rallied around Nana. Except me. I feel so helpless here in NY. But I can't take my 4 yr old on a 3 hr drive to sit in a hospital for who knows how long. I know that there's nothing I could do, but I would at least have been able to be with the rest of the family and hug them and be emotional support. I've felt terrible about it all day yesterday and I haven't slept well all night. It's now 5:30 in the morning on Sunday and I miss my husband and I know that Nana probably did not make it thru the night. When I talked to Bitterman last night before I went to bed he just sobbed and said that she had maybe 24 hrs to live. It broke my heart. To hear my husband so sad and so vulnerable and I wasn't with him and I was sad to lose his Nana too. Over the years she really has become my Nana. She always remembers my birthday and The Girl's, she's kind, loving, and she took her time every single weekend to clip coupons for me and my sisters in law. I feel this loss like she was my flesh and blood. I just don't know what to do. I'm helpless and sad and my Girl is sad. She knows something is not right within the family. How do I explain to a 4 yr old about death? How do I tell her that she'll never see her Great Nana again? So many things are rattling around in my brain right now. I'm heartbroken and lonely and I wish I knew how to change that.

WW weekly weigh in

Sorry I'm a day late on this, but I just was busy.... So drum roll please......I lost another whole pound. Which I was mistaken when I last checked in about my weight. I have lost a total of 8 lbs in 12 wks. So it's not terrible. This cutting back my points thing has really helped and I have found that on my cable channels there is this OnDemand network that you can go to. This is has a Exercise OnDemand feature. So anytime morning, noon, or night I can find a yoga workout to do, or a The Firm workout, or just an ab session. It's really great! So if any you out there in Xanga land have Time Warner Cable check it out. There is also FitTv on, but it's much easier to go to Exercise OnDemand.
School is still going well. I did my first presentation the other night and overall I think our group did a pretty good job. The only issue was this girl that was 19 in our group. She really didn't have a clue about anything much less our project. So hopefully that didn't effect our grade. I tried at the end to kind of go over the stuff that she was going to cover, but didn't. I hope it pulled everything together for the class to understand better. I also handed in my first paper that I will hopefully be getting back on Friday. My teacher said that out of the ones he's read so far, they are all A's. So that's keeping me hopeful. Well I need to go do wife things now. Ya know cooking, cleaning, bathing the kid, and all that jazz.

Quickie

I don't know if I put it out here or not, but last week I lost a whole pound. So officially I am down 6 lbs in 12 weeks. Not exactly what I was expecting when I started WW, but I am losing so that's good. I cut back my points and have been trying to really gauge my body. I find I feel satisfied on a lot less than I usually take in. So I've been overeating and not really knowing. That's the stinkin problem with not having a thyroid. My doctor told me that my body wouldn't send the message to my brain that I'm getting full until it was way to late. I'm hoping that this cut in my points and really paying attention to how I feel when I'm eating will help. Hopefully tomorrow's weigh-in will be better. I'll keep ya'll posted.