I'm feeling kinda foggy this morning...classes are done (thank God!), my kid's playing next door, and my husband is sleeping after a long night protecting and serving our little city. I should be motivated and work out or clean my house, but I'm not. I've been realizing a lot of stuff about my marriage and myself lately. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. Ever since I started therapy I've been reevaluating everything. I've been wondering if I married my husband because at the time he rescued me from a bad situation with my Mom and home life in general. I keep thinking that I married my best friend, but that's it. Just a friend...no passion, no communication anymore, no anything...just a really great friendship. We both come and go as we please....he's working on his career and I'm working on mine and we come together in the middle somewhere to take care of our daughter and eat dinner. I just feel empty, depressed, trapped, sad, lonely...how do make your spouse realize that communications have broken down and that it needs to be worked on?
On the other side of things I've been doing really well with managing my weight. I'm below 200lbs for the first time in 6 yrs!!! It feels great and I'm motivated more than ever to keep this momentum going. My dietitian and I were almost in tears this past week when I weighed in!! Such a GREAT feeling to finally be accomplishing something!
4 comments:
For years I have asked myself what's better? Stability, trust, monogamy, security and support...or passion, lust, excitement, danger, freedom to be and do whatever you want. There are days when all I want is that wild life and there are days when all I want is my stable, but boring family life. I think just about everyone thinks and feels these things, but we don't talk about them. This is why I tell my girls all the time that I don't want them to get married and have kids...at least not until they're out of their 20's. I think we're all too quick to jump into marriage and kids in our 20's because that's what we're expected to do. Especially women. I don't want that for them. I want them to really live and see the world and feel all of the things that freedom has to offer before they tie themselves down to a domestic lifestyle.
I wish someone, anyone would have told me to stay single longer and get traveling or studying or whatever! It feels like my only option was to marry this nice guy that was willing to take me away and look passed my history...no one ever said "ya know, it's ok to be FREE for a while and just take it slow" it's been a real long month or so ....
I hear you! I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Therapy has helped me reevalute things as well and I have to say that my marriage is also lacking as far as communication is concerned. I love my husband and I know he loves me too but we just don't know how to communicate anymore. I often wonder if we ever really did. Some days I feel like we are just room mates and it is kind of depressing! My cousin and I often comment on the fact that no one ever really prepares you for marriage. The only preparation we get is fairy tales and you never get to see what happens after the "happily ever after part." Anyway, I just wanted you to know I am here for you if you ever want to talk or just vent! I miss you and I love you :O)
I fully plan on being very open with Brenna when the time comes about life and freedom and that passion doesn't last forever and that she should make sure she's really done the things that she wants to do before getting married. I've just been really struggling with it lately...thanks for listening Cher! love you and miss you...so much!
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