My Mom

This is my Mom. I love her with my whole heart, unconditionally, until the day I die and I will continue to love her even after that. She is my hero.

Glory Days

I've been thinking and reminiscing lately about my "glory days". They weren't really all that long ago. Ya know, back in your late teens and early twenties when your invincible and nothing could bring you down.... yeah those days. It makes me kind of sad that I didn't do more during that reckless, free period of my life. I drank too much and dated stupid boys and genuinely had a lot of fun but I had no responsibilities, not a care in the world and I didn't really do a whole lot. I should have traveled more, been more daring, gone cliff jumping a few more times, stayed out until dawn a few more times and really sucked up all that goes along with being that age. And I definitely should have taken more pictures of the friends that were so much my world back then. Warm summer nights around a bonfire with that cute boy that you'd been eyeing all day at the pond and feeling like time was standing still just for you. I miss the magic of that.

But then I got to thinking about how my late twenties were and how my early thirties are going so far and I'm beginning to wonder if these aren't my "glory days" right now? I'm better off financially (well sort of) than I once was, I have lots of friends that I share a lot of time with, I have the ability to go on adventures (though they do have to be a little less spontaneous these days) and I have love in my life. Every friday I go down to my brother's house and let my kid run rampant with his kids, our friends show up eventually with their children and next thing you know there are kids every where running in the night air and marveling at the bonfire. All of us adults talk and laugh and have a few drinks and remember when together. It has become a weekly event that I looked forward to and get excited for. I wonder if in ten years we'll find another way to all get together and share our lives with each other? I wonder if anyone else feels the way I do and realizes what a special time this is in our lives. Yes we all have our money issues, marital issues, kid issues, house issues, etc...but for a brief moment on friday nights it's all put behind us and we just enjoy each other. It is something that I will always hold close to my heart for as long as I live.

Celebrity

I know there are tons of blogs out there that do the celeb gossip thing. I even read a few of them and find them very entertaining. That being said I just don't get celebrities these days. I mean all the "famous" young hollywood, "IT" girls and boys...all they can lay claim to is the fact that they were born into a wealthy family or born unto famous parents. They themselves have done nothing. I mean nothing! I'm speaking of the celebrities like all those kids on the Hills, the Kardashians, the Stewarts and a list of more just like them. I briefly took in a little bit of this show on VH1 about "rebellious celebrity heirs". The majority, if not all of them, have zero actual talent for anything. It drives me crazy that these people are what my daughter will eventually be looking to for style or whatever. It really just makes me sick to my stomach. The Hannah Montana's, Selena Gomez's, and Demi Lovato's that are the up and coming stars and singers at least actually WORK for their money. The don't just go to red carpet events and what not.

I don't know why this has my panties all in a bunch tonight..it just does. It seems like the people I watched when I was growing up were actual stars, they worked, they played, they donated and they were genuine star material. Maybe that's the problem....I'm just getting old and I don't "get it" anymore! Whateve!

Worst Hair Ever

Mrs. G over at the Women's Colony has requested pics of our worst hairdos. I think my absolute worst hair ever was when I was 14 or 15. I got a perm. A really bad perm that left me with a poodle like poof of hair on my head! This pic is from one of our crazy nights out at the roller rink. Yeah...I was cool, I know. That's me in the orange t-shirt and red glasses...I never got a perm again after I got these pics developed.

Friday Fill-Ins on a Wednesday Night

I'm doing this because I am bored at the moment and because my friend, Rebel , suggested that some of her readers get doing these fill in thingys. Sooooo here it goes!

1. The last thing I ate was chili and fries.

2. _Movie Tickets to Harry Potter is something I recently bought.

3. When it rains, it __frickin pours round these parts.___

4. __My child_ was the first person I talked to today.

5. Hugs are _always welcome and warm____.

6. ___I need__ extra comfort.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _a whole lot of nothing____, tomorrow my plans include _spending way to much time with my in-laws____ and Sunday, I want to __recover from spending so much time with my in laws!

I Have a Need.....To Vent!

I have been completely annoyed lately. Like with everyone. I'm wondering if it's because I changed birth control pills. I only get a visit from Aunt Flow every 3 months now, but I'm wondering if the PMSing is still kicking hard core or if I'm legitimately annoyed and have a right to be. Not just hormones talking, ya know. For example, my husband took this whole past weekend off. He did so for me. I was feeling needy for some time out with friends with out him or my kid. At the last minute though all of my friends that I had plans on hanging with Friday night got flushed right down the drain. Four of these said friends decided to go camping for the weekend and literally hours before they were leaving invited me to go....knowing full well that I had plans on Sat. that I really couldn't back out of. Though one of them did text me for like an hour trying to convince me to ditch my other committment. Is it just me or is that just an assholey thing to do?? So first annoyance. Then my husband knowing I was disappointed and annoyed by this asks me what my plans are for the weekend. I said I don't know, everyone went out of town. My BFF had an urgent trip to NYC because of one of her parents being ill so of my 5 or 6 good friends that I like to hang with none of them were available for the weekend. Annoyance number two. Add to these things the little annoyances caused by being in a house with my husband and daughter for the whole weekend when all I wanted to do was get away from them for a little bit and little annoyances became BIG annoyances. Over the last week my husband has worked 3 of 7 days. Do you think HE got up with our daughter on any of his days off??? NO. He did not. Not once did I get to sleep in. But that's ok....I should be used to it, right? Then I do the laundry, mow the lawn, feed the kid, entertain the kid, and clean up a little and he does nothing. He sleeps. BIG ANNOYANCE! So here I am on Monday completely frickin annoyed by just about everything and no real way to vent it. Husband is gone, BFF is at an appt, other friends are working, and I'm still here stuck in the house with the kid. I don't remember signing up for this crap?!!!!

Foggy

I really need to work on being more consistant with this blog thing....I know there's only like 2 people that read it, but it's nice to put all this stuff that's rattling around in my head out there.

I'm feeling kinda foggy this morning...classes are done (thank God!), my kid's playing next door, and my husband is sleeping after a long night protecting and serving our little city. I should be motivated and work out or clean my house, but I'm not. I've been realizing a lot of stuff about my marriage and myself lately. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. Ever since I started therapy I've been reevaluating everything. I've been wondering if I married my husband because at the time he rescued me from a bad situation with my Mom and home life in general. I keep thinking that I married my best friend, but that's it. Just a friend...no passion, no communication anymore, no anything...just a really great friendship. We both come and go as we please....he's working on his career and I'm working on mine and we come together in the middle somewhere to take care of our daughter and eat dinner. I just feel empty, depressed, trapped, sad, lonely...how do make your spouse realize that communications have broken down and that it needs to be worked on? 

On the other side of things I've been doing really well with managing my weight. I'm below 200lbs for the first time in 6 yrs!!! It feels great and I'm motivated more than ever to keep this momentum going. My dietitian and I were almost in tears this past week when I weighed in!! Such a GREAT feeling to finally be accomplishing something!