Weight Lifted?

So the weight of the world was not necessarily on my shoulders as I thought it was last post. I did my demo and did not do spectacularly, but they did give another chance to do better this Monday coming up. So I will try again and this time I will go in confident and know that whatever happens is meant to be. This little hiccup in my nursing existence has really got me thinking over the past 2 weeks though. I've been wondering if maybe those 2 mistakes in one time period were a sign of sorts that maybe nursing isn't for me. Maybe I was so upset about it because deep down I know that there are more things I dislike, than like about my future career. I know that I don't want to work in a nursing home, a hospital, or on a pediatric floor. I do like psychiatric nursing, but I'm a long way from being able to do that. Whatever the case may be. I'm more at peace with the whole situation and I'm ready to move on if that is what is meant to be. Now if only I didn't have to pay back the school loans....

Weight of the World

I've really had a rough week. It began last Thursday when I was at clinical. I made the BIGGEST error a nursing student can make. I passed meds to the wrong patient. Let preface that by saying that all day before that I was just off. My head wasn't in the game so to speak. I went in, asked the patient his/her name and they nodded yes. So I proceeded. My training has taught me to double check things like this if I'm not sure but I went ahead anyway. Long story short, I gave the meds, it was the wrong person, I got a big huge write up by my instructor, and now my whole future nursing career hinges on whether I can pass a demo on Monday morning. Now don't get me wrong. I made a mistake and should completely be held accountable for it. But I think the nursing powers that be at my school should look at each case individually, which they do not. The meds I gave were not life threatening, it was my first offense, and I've had nothing but high remarks for my performance in the past. Not to mention that I could have just kept my mouth shut about the whole damn thing and just given meds to correct person and never said boo about it. I am a honest person and the weight of not telling would have been worse for me. But no, come Monday at noon I will have to go before the main instructor of the nursing lab and prove that I am capable. One mistake and I can't pass meds which means I can't complete clinical, which means I am out of the nursing program. The weight of this is nearly unbearable. I am so worried that because of one mistake, the last 3 yrs of my life are going to mean nothing. The money spent, the time away from my daughter and husband, all of it will be for nothing.

Beliefs

I had the weirdest thing happen the other day...a long time friend of mine emailed me on FB to ask me if I was raised Mormon. Totally took me by surprise. I stopped really practicing the Mormon religion when I was about 15 or so. That whole teenage angst thing mixed with a bipolar, out of work-off her meds, mother and two brothers that were more interested in getting high and spitting on me kind of threw a kink in my belief system. I lost my faith in just about everything and everyone during those years. Now that I'm an adult with a child, I toss around the idea of going back to the church. There's a lot of really great things about the Mormon religion--the sense of community and charity is overwhelming. But there are a lot of things about the religion that, at this point in my life, I just don't buy in to. For instance, some of the ideas about not drinking, smoking, cursing, drinking caffeine and so on just don't sit well with me. I honestly don't believe that God will send me to eternal damnation for drinking a beer or a soda. I also don't really like how it is a male dominant religion. Women don't really hold any positions of power with in the church. That all being said, I still feel as though I'm not really comfortable in a church unless it's a Mormon church. I've been to many other churches with my friends and in laws and have never totally felt that feeling. The feeling of something true and good. The feeling that the people are genuine. I guess that's part of the reason I left the Mormon church...I stopped feeling that feeling. That still small voice was gone. I struggle with this a lot. I want to believe in something again...I just don't know how.

One Holiday Down...

I made it through Thanksgiving...barely. I've had a KILLER headache for 2 days now and nothing is helping it go away! The food was surprisingly good at my MIL's and I only shed a couple tears when I had to drop my Mom off tonight...

So yeah. Thanksgiving down, just Christmas to go!

Countdown to T-Day

It's almost here! Thanksgiving!! Yay!! NOT. We are spending the whole day with my in-laws this year. It really won't be that bad, but it doesn't require some work to mentally prepare for the day. I am pleasantly surprised that we aren't providing everything this year. Usually my MIL asks us to make potatoes, sweet potatoes, scalloped oysters (yuck!), 3 pies, a jello dessert, and rolls. She provides just the turkey. But this year our list of items was shortened to just sweet potatoes, two pies and the scalloped oysters (still yuck). I'm glad, but now I'm wondering who's in charge of the other stuff? Is she going to cook everything else? Martha Stewart she isn't. I guess we'll just have to see!

On other holiday news, our tree is up, lights are put up on the house and stockings are hung. I think the Hubs jumped the gun a little but they do look nice...is it January yet?

Holiday Blahs--The Early Edition

I do not like the holiday season. Does that make me a bad person? I mean I make it through Thanksgiving ok, but Christmas straight on through New Year's is all down hill. Christmas has always meant stress, money concerns, too much running around, and too much focus on the gifts for everyone, too much family trying to cram a years worth of bonding into one day. Tonight the stress began about what day to have our family Christmas get together. Due to more family being in state this year and multiple parties, I suggested our family celebrating a week later. Make it a NYE/Christmas party. Well you'd think I killed the Pope or something. It's been nothing but drama and bickering for a week now. I had an all out fight with my youngest brother about it. Because he decided a hockey game would be more important for him on the night of our party. Add to this the fact that my husband LOVES Christmas and has been playing Christmas music since the day after Halloween and you can see why I'm a bit off. He's been calling me Scrooge on top of it too. I think the last time I enjoyed Christmas I was 12. I should start drinking now and just not stop until we're well into January...

What's for Dinner?

I have been very diligent over the past week to watch my calories and get to the gym. I'm really trying to focus more on me and my health. It hit me a couple weeks ago when I turned 35 (gasp) that I really need to get it together. But tonight...tonight there is nothing I want more than my mom's fried chicken and mashed potatoes. So that is what I'm making. I even measured my ingredients for the first time ever so I could post them for you two people that read my blog from time to time. Now I just call this recipe my mom's fried chicken, but my youngest brother calls it Half-Assed Fried Chicken. Why half-assed? Well because I only fried the chicken on the stove top to brown it up and then I finish cooking it in the oven. It still turns out crispy, crunchy and delicious. So here's the cast of characters. WARNING: there is nothing healthy about this recipe at all!

Ingredients:

6 bone in, skin on chicken thighs

3/4 c. of vegetable or other oil of your choice

2 tbsp butter

2 c. all purpose flour

1/2 tsp chili powder

just less than 1 tbsp seasoned salt

1tbsp dried parsley

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp poultry seasoning

2 tsp minced onions (dried McCormick brand)

1 tbsp kosher salt

1/2 tsp black pepper

2 eggs whisked with a dash of water

Begin by combining the flour and all of the seasonings. I prefer to use a ziploc type bag and shaking it all together. Rinse your chicken and then place in the flour mixture, a couple pieces at a time, and shake the hell out of it. Once all pieces are coated then place the chicken in the whisked egg mixture and coat each side. Place the chicken back in the flour bag and shake to coat again. While I'm doing these steps I start my oil and butter heating in a pan. I really crank it up to about medium high to get the oil good and hot. Once all the chicken is coated for the second time and the oil is hot then I place a few pieces in at time or if I feel like using my big pan I can usually get all 6 pieces in at once. I leave them to fry on one side for maybe 5-8 minutes and the flip them to brown up the other side. The second side only takes about 5 minutes. Once all the chicken is golden brown and crispy I place them on a baking sheet and popped them into a 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes or 185-200 degrees. YUM!!!