Six year olds

My Girl is 6. She will be 7 very shortly. The never ending list of things she wants for her birthday keeps getting brought up over dinner. Like I could ever forget it...dolls, razor scooter thingy, zhu zhu pets (yikes?), a four wheeler, the Barbie doll that's a mermaid, some clothes, and pink streaks in her hair are constants. Every now and then she throws something else in there that some kid on the bus had, but for the most part those are the gifts at the top of her list. So here's my thing, I don't feel that a lot of these are worth wasting my money on. A four wheeler is just out of the question because I don't have an extra 600-1000 bucks to drop on her, the zhu zhu pets are just ridiculous, and the Barbie...well let's just say me and Barbie don't get along so well. My Bitter Little Man thinks I'm bitter and stingy about gift giving, but it's really just that I don't want a bunch of crap around my house that's just gonna get chewed by the dog or I'm going to end up picking up 10,000 times a day. Does that make me a bad mom? Maybe it's because I was brought up in a very poor household with 4 children and when it came to birthdays or Christmas is was always very simple. We got one big gift and then usually some little items that we could use (shampoo, conditioner, pens, pencils etc...). There was a lot of sacrificing and compromising. I just feel like even though my husband and I are better off than my parents were it doesn't mean we should just give in to our daughter's every little wish. How will she ever truly appreciate anything? I've been trying to figure out ways to help her appreciate the things we do provide for her. So far...it's not working. How do you get a 6 year old to understand and appreciate what she has? Maybe I'm expecting too much...

So Here's the Skinny

I'm getting more used to my new job. Do I love it? NO. Is it a means to an end while I finish up school? YES. It has definitely given me a profound appreciation for the difference between what a nurse does and a nurse's aide does. I can't wait to be a nurse. Being able to sit once in a while will be completely worth it! The aides NEVER sit or eat or pee or stand in one spot very long. It's so exhausting. I know I kinda sound like a whiner, but I've been a stay at home for the last 3 yrs and before that I was at a desk playing receptionist all day. It's a big change to be up and moving for 8 hrs straight! Add in bending, lifting, squatting, stretching, pulling, walking and phewwwww I tell it's one hell of a workout!

Speaking of workouts....my insanity kick I was on has ended. I just don't have the time now (excuses, excuses). I'm going to try and fit in some extra walking around campus and really crack down on my eating habits. I've gained SO MUCH FRIGGIN WEIGHT!!! And I'm really beginning to be disgusted by it. So once I get my class routine down, then that will be the next focus.

Other than school and work I am trying to fit my family in there somewhere. I'll be glad when school starts for my Girl then I won't feel so bad about leaving her everyday for hours. She'll be learning while I'm learning. Woot! My Bitter Little Man on the other hand is a whole different situation. He's picked up a shift at work one night a week in addition to his normal night hours. During the days before he goes to work I am in class, by the time I get out he's gone and doesn't get home until after I've gone to bed....maybe I can catch him on the weekend? This kind of situation makes us both very irritable. I'm only on day 2 of classes and that is apparent. Why didn't I do all this school stuff when I was 18??? Hmmmm?? My parents totally should have kicked my ass into shape back in the day. Well they weren't really in a position to, I guess. That's it for now...happy Tuesday to ya!

Crap

My new job is draining the life out of me. It's only been 3 days. Have I wasted the last 3 yrs of my life in school for a profession that I may end up hating? I'm so lost right now. I had a complete meltdown today and was reduced to tears in a Lowe's parking lot because of work, school, money, life....this Friday night gets a big ole poop sandwich for the record.

2 week follow up

So I did my 2 week follow up fit test for the Insanity workout program that I am trying to follow. I'll be honest here and say that I did NOT work out 6 days a week for the last 2 weeks. I did do 4 workouts the first week and 2 workouts the second week. Yeah I kinda slacked. BUT all of my numbers did go up. I increased my reps in all of the exercises except for 2 where I stayed the same. Improvement in 6 out of 8 exercises isn't bad as far as I'm concerned. I have yet to take my measurements. I'm going to wait until the one month mark for those. So there it is.

I've been doing pretty well on my food intake and calorie counting. I've started using Livestrong.com to track my food intake and exercise. I really like the layout of it and the fact that it actually gives me useful tips and advice! So here's to getting healthy and kicking butt!!

Really??

Here's the short version of just what went down in my house. My sis in law texted me and asked if I could watch her 2 daughters and our nephew so she and my brother could go kayaking. Her oldest daughter is just at the tail end of pharygitis or mono and my nephew made himself puke all day the last time I watched him. My first reaction was REALLY??? I mean really. She's gonna pawn a sick kid and a kid she's supposed to be watching today off on me? I asked for a definite time and she has never texted me back. I told my Hubs and he says he'll be pissed if I watch the kids. He's not even going to be here!! He has to work!! So why would he be pissed?? Annoyed from both my sis in law and my Hubs right now.

Stolen idea

So one of my other blogger friends posted about her general lack of sex drive. I'm gonna steal that topic. Why?? Because I have ZERO interest in sex. I mean I can see a hot guy and think hmmm he's hot, I bet he'd be fun to __________. My poor husband thinks it's him. That I don't love him anymore. When that's not the case at all. I love him dearly, but every time he touches me I pull away. I know it has a lot to do with my weight and that I just don't feel sexy/attractive. I know it has a lot to do with the fact that we are basically roommates these days. I know it has a lot to do with the fact that my husbands idea of foreplay is grabbing my butt and saying come on. Why is it so hard for me to just enjoy sex and enjoy the fact that my husband loves me and my body just the way it is? I personally blame my issues on years of Mormon religion being shoved down my throat about being chaste and virtuous and waiting until marriage. Being the submissive wife and all that jazz. It's just not me. Never was. I used to be really sexually independent. Is that the right term? I was able to speak to my partner openly about what I liked. I've somehow lost that ability in the 12 yrs I've been married. I'm in my mid thirties and my doctor says it's normal. He has lots of female patients saying the same thing to him. But yet there's no solution....therapy is an option. But I've kinda been there and done that and it didn't help my sex drive one bit. So what do I do? I'm not sure...

Motivation

Ok I was all gung ho last week with this Insanity workout thing and now this week I've completely fizzled. My sis came into town on Thursday and that kind of threw a wrench into my workout/diet routine, but really it's more of an excuse than anything. She would have worked out with me at any time while she was here. We did workout on Friday though! So I really only skipped two workouts last week. Today though....yeah...just. not. feeling. it. I'm hoping my child will nap later and then I can fit a workout in. It's nearly impossible to workout if it's just her and I in the house. She watches and jumps on my back and giggles and really makes it hard to focus on what I'm doing. So let's cross our fingers for a nap, shall we?

In other news, I was recently hired to be a nurse assistant at a local hospital. I'm totally psyched to be working even if it is only per diem work. I haven't worked in 3 yrs!! On the other hand though I'm completely freaking out because I have no idea how I'm going to balance a job, school (nursing classes are ridiculously paperwork oriented), being a mom, wife and friend, and still have time in there for me. As it was this last semester nearly killed me!! So we'll see how it goes. I keep thinking about my mom. How the hell did she do it?? She was a single mom raising 4 children, she worked, went to and actively participated in church activities, went back to school in her 40s for her masters, was able to attend all school and sport events for us kids, kept a full vegetable garden and flower garden, and cooked from scratch every night. Where in the world did she find the time? I just have one child that isn't into any sports at the moment and I feel pressed for time. Maybe it's because she had to do and be all these things. I don't know...it just seems crazy to me.

So yeah...here's to Motivation!! I really wish I had some...