Wedding Renewal

Just a quick update to let y'all know that the wedding went off without a hitch and it was a PERFECT night!!! I renewed my vows with my husband and finally after 10 yrs I feel like we've closed a chapter in our lives together. It was always like unfinished business not having my dress and ceremony and party. It was also nice to finally have family included in the happiest day of my life. I love my Bitter Little Man so much that it hurts and aches in my chest some times. I think a lot of people were surprised that after 10yrs I still teared up during my vows and I still cried when I walked down the aisle with him. I had a few friends laugh a little at me, but that's ok, they can laugh. I feel like it just goes to show we got something special!

Here's a couple pics for your viewing pleasure!

Renewal

Hi. I haven't blogged in quite a while due to a certain nosey and not-so-nice family member. But I'm back! This weekend I will celebrate my 10yr wedding anniversary!!! My hubby and I are renewing our vows and doing it up the way we would have done it 10 yrs ago (if we had had any money to speak of).

A lot has changed in 10 yrs. Bitterman joined the Marine Corps (that's where our adventure began), we've grown, become responsible human beings (sort of), got out of the Corps, had a kid, bought a house, lost a baby, partied, learned how to cook together, have made some amazing friends, have travelled and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Of course, we have had our not so great times, what couple doesn't? But on the whole I feel like I picked to best guy in the world to share my life with.

So as this huge day approaches I can't seem to focus on all this great, exciting stuff. All I can seem to think about is the fact that I have a really lame Dad. My dad was a GREAT dad when I was young. He's was supportive, caring, fun, and tried to really hard mold and teach us kids. I'm not sure where he lost that ability to be a father, but he did. He will not be coming to my renewal this weekend because of the fact that he can't seem to scrape up $500 (I even offered to pay for his plane ticket and he still came up with excuses!). I gave him a YEARS notice. He still couldn't do it. He called me tonight to tell me he'd be thinking of me on Sat. I lit into him. Then just as I started crying and getting really upset he says he has to go because they need him at Bingo. Seriously?? BINGO???? Why would you call to talk to your daughter from Bingo?? AND how could he not understand how important it is to me that he dance with me at my wedding or come support me and my husband or just to see his kids that he hasn't seen in 2 or 3 yrs??!!! How does a father not feel the tug on his heart to be near his children and grandchildren??? I just don't understand it and it has completely broken my heart. I'm disappointed and let down. I really hope no one asks about him on Saturday...

Emotional Stuff

My daughter completely caught me off guard yesterday. She asked what the red, heart-shaped box was. I'm not ready to tell her about the red, heart-shaped box that holds the remains of the baby boy I lost almost 3 yrs ago. To add insult to injury, last night my mother in law brought Logan up. She has recently adopted a little boy who was born right at the time I lost Logan. She mentioned that she thought briefly about changing Alex's name to Logan (I really hope she wasn't serious). I just sat on her couch and cried. I couldn't even speak. I wasn't crying so much about the name thing. It was more about the fact that for almost 3 yrs I have pushed any thoughts of Logan to the back of my head. I haven't told The Girl about him. Bitterman and I don't even talk about him. And now more than ever I am feeling the pressure to have another child before I get to much older. So naturally I have been thinking about Logan and what happens if I do get pregnant and lose that baby. I just don't think I could handle it. So for most of yesterday and today I have been an emotional mess. Just a blob. Thank God I'm starting to see a therapist on Wed. Maybe she can help figure me out!

Hmmmm

Well it looks like my slideshow thingy didn't exactly work? Any suggestions? If you click view all images it shows the slideshow? What gives? Technology really isn't my friend. I've tried, but it beats me down everytime :)

SOCCER!!!

I can't believe I actually enjoyed my daughters first day of soccer! The bugs were terrible, it was very humid, and it was complete chaos, but what fun! I was SO proud of her!!! If I can figure it out, I'll get a slideshow up!

Ranting

It is 5:57am. I have been up with my dog twice and my daughter once tonight and well I'm really just kind of pissed off. And tired. So I'm going to rant a little bit. About what? Mainly about a member of my family, well Bitterman's family. Bitch. Mean spirited, cruel, condescending, irrational, narcissistic bitch. If a member of your family were to curse you out, put down your parenting skills, call your child a "brat" and "out of control" what would you do? I cried. I was so frickin mad that I cried and couldn't get a good response out. Two months later and I'm still very hurt and though there were apologies made, they were just words. NO actions of remorse have ever been made. But everything's on my shoulders because I wrote a text message that said "Are you swimming? The Girl is devastated." Wouldn't a family member ask why???? my child was devastated or what the problem was? I was an at-my-wits-end mommy when I sent that because my child had been sobbing for almost 2 hours about being left out of swimming. By her aunt who was with her children plus the out-of-town cousins. Am I completely irrational to think that when all of a childs cousins are in one place, at one time (which rarely happens) that the adult watching them would call to include the one cousin that isn't there? Especially when we live 15mins. from each other? Am I asking to much? Maybe I am the one that is all backward on this. I don't know. I'm tired, hurt, angry, and just plain amazed by THIS PERSON.

Ass to 5K update

Ok so I haven't been as faithful to these updates as I should be, but here it goes. I have been trying to run more and more each time I go to the gym. I'm not following the Couch to 5K plan very well, but have sort of made up my own way of doing it. Today I did the treadmill for 35 minutes. I warmed up for 5 mins. than ran for a minute, then rested/walked for 2 minutes, than ran a minute and so on and so forth for the 35 minutes. I managed to burn 370 calories and I didn't get nearly as winded as I did when I first started this little adventure. I have also started seeing a dietition along with this. So hopefully, I can finally get a hold on this weight thing of mine. I am happy because I am down 14 lbs since the beginning of the year. But I hope now the weight will start to fall off a little more quickly. Ok so for the ass picture here it goes....





Yes that is a spot/stain on my butt. These are my workout sweats and well I just don't care if they are in perfect condition or not. I have tried getting that stain out many times and well it's just not gonna happen. I don't think my butt is getting any smaller, but there it is. Mrs. G. thanks for keeping me motivated!!!